Ok so this one took some time to show up on the web...
This is not a complete piece yet. So here is where it is incomplete
1) the transition from the first to the second scene is not complete.
2) the third scene is not complete.. u get the idea
the haiku is
endless night
morning starts
cradled in the blue
2 comments:
I really like the attention to detail, the textures look really beatiful,
The words feel a little bit "tacked on", maybe some more integration with the scene would be nice,
You seem to be doing something with the "C's" as birds in the last scene, that's pretty interesting,
I love the trains in the beginning and the sense you get of staying in the underground all night watching the trains pass, really feels like an endless night,
Maybe try to integrate the "morning starts" as condensation on the window from morning dew or something? Just a thought.
I think there might be some better integration between the three scenes rather than just cuts,
But overall I really like it, it evokes a feeling and sensation really well as well as a sense of place... it's one of the most evocative of all the haikus I've seen so far. Very nice thematic connection between words and visuals, try to connect the visuals of the words themselves a bit better somehow, but in terms of whats being said in the haiku and whats being shown, the relationship is clear and it works really well.
Very nice work here. The beginning almost reminds me of a movie trailer. Although I know the 3rd scene is unfinished, it would be great if the final scene matched the first two in visual style and attention to detail. I'm pretty sure what you've got here is a roughed in idea of what you were going for, which is how our animatic is too. I think you two are on the right track. Great work!
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